Alright, so just to get this straight out of the way first, yes; eFiction still exists, and I still have every intention of building this thing up as the premier fan fiction archival platform on the net.
However, some things have… not gone quite to plan. On a personal note, my life has taken quite a turn for the worse. I lost both my father, mother, and uncle, all within a few short months of each other. My mother hit me the hardest. She was in an accident, and wasn’t able to recover. I… am suffering. Mentally. Physically. I lost her on June 12th. The hospital even told me that she was recovering, and I talked with a nurse about three hours before she passed. They were planning on releasing her this week. Somehow, within a time span of only three hours, my mother went from being almost ready to be released, to dying. I have no idea what happened, but… well, it’s been a rollercoaster. Sunday first gave me great news about her recovery, and then ended in the worst tragedy I could ever imagine; losing her forever.
As I’m typing this out, I’m holding back tears… None of this feels real to me. It’s as if I’m swimming through a thick fog. Literally. Everything feels slow. Like, time itself has been affected by my loss. Admittedly, I’m running on very little sleep, so excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes, too. Things are just very hectic here. I was actually contemplating on whether or not I should even be sharing this with everyone here, but it’s something that needed to be done. I just.. had to, for personal reasons. I’m not looking for sympathy, but rather, to vent my frustrations on life out and into the world. Plus, I fear that my struggles in 2022 are going to affect my business, including eFiction.
My plans for eFiction have not changed, though. I just need to focus on my own life first, before I focus on eFiction. Right now, my primary focus is on making sure I am even allowed to keep living in my apartment. I was officially my mothers room mate, so am on the lease. However, there are some potential circumstances that could force my eviction from this place, so for obvious reasons, I’m a tad on edge right now.
Beyond that, my business is growing, but it’s nowhere near where I need for it to be. My mother and I shared our personal expenses, with me paying for the rent, and her buying the food and paying some of our utilities. So, while my business is growing every single day (got 100 new clients in the last four weeks) I fear it’s not going to be enough. Perhaps financially I’ll be fine, technically. But on a mental level? It just feels… hollow. Living here no longer feels like a home. It’s almost as if I’m being haunted, not by my mother, but by the memories this place holds.
For that reason, I’m trying to grow the most profitable part of my business, that being DoRoyal. It’s the website hosting platform that I’ve been operating since 2012, and is my most profitable operation by far. However, I’m not fully comfortable with where it’s at. Not yet. So I’m going to be trying to grow it far more heavily, as I quite frankly require it to survive.
And when I say survive, I truly mean it. Right now, my entire life feels like a giant fight for survival, with everything else constantly trying to hurt or otherwise harm me and everything that I love and hold dear. I’m not doing great, mentally. I feel trapped. That’s why I desperately need to focus on growing my hosting platform, as I need enough money to move out of this apartment. I need… closure, I guess? It’s not quite the right word, but is as close as I can figure. I just need for the memories to stop… the pain to go away.
So yeah. eFiction is still a thing, and I will get full development up in the future. I just don’t know when. My entire life has more or less crumbled around me, so I really can’t make any sorts of promises as far as eFiction development goes. I’m just not.. able. Not right now.
I need time to get out of this darkness, or I fear I may succumb to it, and fall into an endless abyss of pain and peril. I really hope everyone is okay with this, and understands why development is on a sort of hiatus again. I am really, truly sorry, for not providing ya’ll with a constant flow of updates. I just… I can’t. And I’m sorry.
Anyway ,that’s it from me. I just needed to get this all off of my chest. It’s almost 1 AM here and I doubt I’ll get much or any sleep tonight, but I need to at least try. So, goodnight everyone!
Oh, and here’s a picture of my mother at a Toronto Blue Jays game back in 2019. She was posing with the Blue Jays mascot, Ace.
She was one of the biggest Jays fans you’ll ever meet, and had a heart of gold.
I really miss her… wanted to take her to another game, but… guess that’s never happening now.